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nobody’s even going to see this because nobody reblogs me and my captions don’t show. and i should actually write this shit in my journal i bought a week ago, but these feelings are happy, not sad. i’m just so happy and i haven’t expressed it. it’s actually pretty ridiculous. i wake up every single day in a great mood and it’s so weird. i’m just so proud of myself. i’m corny as fuck. but i don’t care. i’m proud of myself because it’s just that time. it’s weird like, i willingly volunteer for things now. and not just softball. i volunteer for shit at school. like, what the fuck. where’s rachael? no but really, and my nails are beautiful. i’ve actually fallen in love with them. i finally quit biting them completely and got them done two days ago and i’m extremely fucking excited because they’re my real nails. so they’re definitely going to get a lot longer and they won’t break when i play frisbee! i genuinely fucking love my job so much. i love going to work. i do not mind at all whatsoever waking up early and putting on that cute ass orange shirt. i just seriously have been looking at the best things. AND i don’t know like i just feel like i want to quit every bad habit i have. i thought about it a while ago, around when i stopped drinking for good. a combination of things has made me realize a lot. i’ve started biting my tongue lately when i get angry, like i used to. i don’t want to be such a bitch to everyone anymore. i do actually care to an extent. that might actually be bad for me, but fucking whatever. yolo, right. i’m actually in the process of quitting smoking, also. it’s been three days and i’ve only had three or four legit cigarettes. compared to what i normally have… that’s really good. going from a pack a day to just a few is a big accomplishment for me. the only problem is that i’m a complete and total bitch without cigarettes and i cry like a little baby. hahahaha. but i’ll just have to overcome myself and bite my tongue as i said earlier. qutting is actually going to be hard as fuck though. and i’m not even sure i’ll do it, but i don’t as much have the desire to smoke like i used to, so maybe i’ll push through this. and it’s just, little shit. i decided there was no more touching my hair, i was going natural like a while ago. i know that actually means nothing to anyone but me, but i miss my long, natural hair. and i just feel as if these thoughts have actually been in my mind for a while. because i never used to be this horrible person foreal. i mean, i’m not horrrrible. but i could do better things for myself that won’t completely change who i am. and i’m just happy. i go to softball practice everyday and realize how i have girls looking up to me now at the age where i started making the decisions that literally brought me here, and made me who i am at this moment. their personalities and attitude are getting sculpted everyday by their environment. and i know by the end of this season i’ll be crying my heart out like i did with the middle school girls i coached last fall. and i know me and the girls i’m coaching now will get ten times closer, they’re older than the others. so by the end of this, i suppose when they look up to me, i want it to be real. i don’t what them to look up to the rachael they think they know. and i just love how that’s all i’m worried about. not boys. and not finding something fun to do on weeknights and weekends. not the shit i used to worry about. i just feel better in general. i can’t wait until summer. i’m probably going to still go to school and also coach another team. staying busy is actually really good for me. fuck i’m just happy and i don’t know why. anyways, my foot is falling asleep and i have to go grab my birth certificate to take downtown tomorrow. and at this point i’m seriously talking to myself. i might print this out and glue in in my journal… hahah. but this fucking picture, yeah that’s why i’m smilin’. 
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diebrittany: 5 Months <3
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my baby.
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b0nerjamz: Two of my bestfriends
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pleaseheadsouth: me and my twin.
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